You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
