i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
