I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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