I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
