what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
