i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm both gender and math confused
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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