..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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