she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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