just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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