You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
