Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Everyone says I win the strip club
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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