What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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