where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
