Plan B is the new Plan A
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
