If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
