the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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