stop calling my apartment porn island.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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