I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
