Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
