so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
