i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Are we still banned from the library?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
