She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
