He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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