I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
