Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
