who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
