Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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