Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She bit a glass in half.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
