I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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