Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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