Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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