I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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