theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
