His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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