omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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