no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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