How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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