oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
