i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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