and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
