hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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