I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
