She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
