Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
