she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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