i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
