When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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