go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This is classic penis vs brain.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
