he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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