If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
