where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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